Life In Puerto Rico: Puerto Rican Men vs. US Guys – Dating Comparison

Sheeeee’s back! Our newest girl columnist Madonna, is here once again to grace our procrastination endeavors with some of her patented efforts in the art of adding insult to injury towards the forsaken island, and crime capital of the world: Puerto Rico… This time, she continues her exploration of the Puerto Rican culture, with another installment on the dating scene in Puerto Rico, and honors us with a rendering of the differences between Puerto Rican Men and American guys…

As always, here’s Madonna herself enlightening us on what compelled her to write this next article comparing – from a women perspective, of course – the dating scene in Puerto Rico and the US, and the differences between Puerto Rican men and American Guys:

I’m currently not on the island and you know what that means…a new article! It’s been forever since I’ve written for… I just haven’t had my creative juice flowing. I will say though, I’ve seen some really crazy shit happening in Puerto Rico lately. Recently, I was in Plaza Escorial (Editor’s Note: also known as, Cacolandia) and I helped catch a pathetic, but good looking and clean-cut thief, who was stealing a “Totto” (hilarious) fanny pack (even more hilarious!). As a reward, Wal-Mart gave me a $50 gift certificate because they were shocked that I actually told them… Apparently, most people here in PR don’t say anything when they see shit like that going on… Wooohoo! I felt like a true Samaritan!

Life In Puerto Rico: Puerto Rican Men vs. US Guys – Dating Comparison — By Madonna

While I was waiting for my latest flight outta here, I decided to compare and contrast US guys and Puerto Rican men according to experience…

Puerto Rican Men Funny

(Picture Credit: Lab2112 – Luis Bueno)

Anyways, here’s a list of the dating differences between Puerto Rican Men & American Men…

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – American Men in the Tristate Area

I miss my Tristate area guys!

They have their own style, persona, and a swag that’s so different from the majority of the Puerto Rican men here – another reason why I need to move back, but not before I take advantage of the island’s stupidity to reach that top spot on the Forbes 400 Listbuahahahaha (evil laugh).

Here’s a quick background of American men, based on my dating experiences with them:

  • American men keep their nails, hands, and feet, neat and trimmed.
  • US guys dress well at all times, and they especially dress suitably according to the occasion.
  • Of course, every American guy loves their car, but before they love their car, they love themselves first.
  • Believe it not, but chivalry still exists within these tough NY guys. Chivalry amongst American guys is at its best in the South especially.
  • Most single American guys between 25-35 years of age don’t have kids, and if they do, the they have at the most one or two kids.
  • Sex… well… it depends on the particular race here. You have your Italian-Americans, African-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, Filipino-Americans, etc. These kinds of American guys are mixed with their soft, gentle, and non-rhythmic interlude (gringo pendejo side), and then towards the finale… they end it all how an animal ends it – boning your brains out and… DONE!

By the way, that last whole scenario on average lasts a solid 5 minutes, so you better make ‘em count, girls! (That’s something my boys need to work on.)

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Hygiene

Alright, are you girls ready for this? Are you sure? Okay… Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Puerto Rican men do not – I repeat, DO NOT – keep their nails neat or trimmed. It seems that somehow, someway, they always have that one long troll-nail on their hand. Ask them why they have it, and their answer tends to be something along the lines of:

  • To count money better” – Um-hum… Suspicious but okay, I guess;
  • “I need that extra inch to scratch certain areas.” – Gross;
  • “To give you pleasure” – Umm… hell to the fucking no, you don’t! You might cut my tube or give me a UTI, or even an STD… So Fuuuuck you!
  • Or just because…

The truth is… for Puerto Rican men that troll-nail encompasses their crack-sniffing finger! So don’t trust any PR guy with a long, cruddy nail — not just because it’s fucking nasty, but also because it probably means that he does indeed count lots of drug money, as the following Puerto Rican thug so proudly illustrates for us…

Puerto Rico Drug Money Funny Criminal

(AP Photo/Brennan Linsley, file)

FYI, girls… It seems that the majority of Puerto Rican men have that crack-sniffing troll-nail here. So take notice.

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Fashion

Few Puerto Rican men dress well here in the island, but I have to say; the styles amongst Puerto Rican men are kinda extreme.

You have the dressy mix of the European gigolo shirts with the embroidery, pointy-beak shoes…  and then you have the other extreme of banging-ass jeans amalgamated with the beautiful visual spectacle of some yellow-brownish stained undies, not much unlike this next illustration of sexiness…

Funny Guy Baggy Jeans

Picture Credit: ЯAFIK ♋ BERLIN

Either way, it’s just an embarrassment waiting to happen every time Puerto Rican men step out that door to go out and murder someone, er… go to church.

Try going to a formal gala wedding where you’re all decked out in your Sunday’s best, and you see someone looking like fucking bum just rolled outta rehab with the following ensemble as clothing:

  • The added bonus of some disgracefully dirty Ecko Unltd jeans – yeah, the same one Miguel Cotto endorses.
  • A pair of Jordan sneakers – and those are clean, of course (can’t fuck up the Jordan’s).
  • Some Sean Paul dirty/unstitched turtleneck sweater – when it’s an outdoor wedding and it’s 101 degrees)
  • A huge fake blinged-out chain with a Puerto Rican flag on it – since of course, we know you’re Puerto Rican because 99.98% of the family is Puerto Rican… and you live here, too.
  • And last but certainly no least, a pair of deck out Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses – even though it’s a freaking night wedding.

After seeing that, I just wanted Zeus to strike me down with a vicious thunderbolt…

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Cars

They might as well live inside their cars here in Puerto Rico, because most of their money is spent on pimping out a 1986 Honda Accord with blue halogen lights, a sound system featuring a bass so loud that it would kill the entire population of blue whales in the Pacific Ocean, the infamously annoying racing muffle that would make even a NASCAR redneck deaf, some flat screen TVs on the seats… and a car in your car so you can drive while you drive.

Puerto Rico Funny Pimped Cars

(Picture Credit: Buffalo Rising)

After all that, no wonder some Puerto Rican men can’t even afford a happy meal…

Okay, so maybe there’s some Puerto Rican men that don’t need to pimp out their car and already have that Aston Martin that they only park in handicapped spaces to avoid scratches… But the reality is that while his car may be nice and neat, he probably still lives with mom and dad off of government coupons, and I assure you, his room will probably look like Jesus took his last holy crap in his hot mess of a room – You think I’m kidding…

Don’t let the fancy or pimped out cars fool you ladies; it’s a cover up!

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Chivalry

Chivalry? Who? What? You just tell that shit to them. Just tell ‘em Puerto Rican men about that word, and you’ll get this a response that will much resemble something like this…

Calle 13 Funny Deja Show

Image Credit: Tumblr

You tell them that, and they’ll think it’s a stripper’s name or Daddy Yankee’s newest reggaeton song.

If you wait for the guy to open the door, he’ll ask whether you’re too handicapped to open your own door.

You go on a date, bring your own money and expect to go Dutch, at the very least, 90% of the time. Also expect it even after you’ve been with him for 5yrs, living together, sucked his dick numerous times until it goes numb, given him sex everyday of every hour. I mean don’t get me wrong, there should be times when you plan beforehand to go Dutch, but not after you’ve completely stuffed your face.

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Kids

Basic math: In terms of Puerto Rican men, add 2 kids for every one of the years in between the ages of 25-35… I have yet to meet a PR guy my age who doesn’t have at least 5 kids, a couple more in waiting, and 12 crazy baby-mamas as the cherry on top of their sundae!

Oh, and of course, paying endless child support – and being delinquent on them – is sort of a tribal ritual to be proud of for Puerto Rican men; I am so very sorry guys, but after that many kids and baby-mamas, your dick does us all a favor and it should just fall off, really – or better yet it should be ostracized from society!

After that many dips, the guy is tainted, so it’s extremely rare to find a guy with no baggage here. As such, my piece of advice for you girls: Run a background check on them before you get serious — Just trust me on that one.

Life in Puerto Rico: Dating Comparison – Puerto Rican Men & Sex

Now, at this point you may think I dislike all Puerto Rican men! But you’re wrong!

I Heart Puerto Rican Men Keychain

(Picture Credit: Zazzle)

You guys are conquistadores in the sex department! All that romantic Spanish sweet-talking you do will automatically get a flood going in any woman’s panties – no matter the age.

For all I know, you could be calling me a fat slob in Spanish and I wouldn’t have the slightest idea about what the fuck you’re saying. As long as everything you’re saying is in Spanish, I don’t care… It’s just so damn sexy! It feels like I’m riding Antonio Banderas when these Puerto Rican men do their romantichy talk in Spanish.

Oh, and the hip movements that are involved during the event are, in a word: Glorious… I guess that, in hindsight, all that Reggaeton music and perreo-dancing is good for something other than to incite violence and demean women…

Puerto Rico Reggaeton Perreo Dancing

So there, you see? I love me some Puerto Rican men after all!

(Editor’s Disclaimer: Our girl Madonna does NOT hate Puerto Rico… She only hates Puerto Ricans that give Puerto Rico a bad name. So please, try and properly comprehend and evaluate the tone, sarcasm, and satire behind her compelling, realistic, and hilarious takes on her experiences as a newbie on the current shitty state of affairs of this forsaken island… In other words, don’t be an idiot if your gonna comment. And if you’re from Puerto Rico, and you get offended by this article, as it’s happened before — and again — then you should immediately get that stick out of your ass and recognize that you are, precisely, a part of the problem.)

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61 Responses to “Life In Puerto Rico: Puerto Rican Men vs. US Guys – Dating Comparison”

  1. Mz.N
    February 18, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

    I love me some boricuas too… Hip movement and the extra inch where it is needed… Mm hmm… I’m going to get me some right now…

    • CleveredFool
      February 18, 2012 at 8:55 pm #

      LOL! You are one serious piece of work, Mz. N.

  2. Baked mac-N-Cheese
    March 13, 2012 at 12:35 pm #

    “forsaken island”,,thats an intresting way too describe an entire Island,Well Why not just go somewhere else were you feel you might enjoy yourself more?, I was Actually wondering ?Can you write a piece on The Hipster dating Scene in Brooklyn ?The Bad Hygene & body grooming mingled with extreme amounts of drug use and pretentous behaviour seems to be Rampant and it might need to be addressed . (hipster wisdom: Im a Vegan i only eat organic,But i Do Crystal on the weekends & have un-protected poly sex.oh glory! Now if thats not Enlightenment i dont know what is?), – just sayin

  3. Boricuasssss!!!!
    January 1, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    What a bitch…. jealous bitch… u don’t have a life… I wonder u r a white race bitch that don’t have nothing else to do… im 100% Puertorican and proud of living in Puerto Rico I can go out and in to United State we r USA citizen and that y ya ppl talk shit about us…. we r the number one spanish ppl that got right in United State… Every thing u said… u know is not true… maybe u was on a Puertorican dick and he didn’t care about u at all… thats y u talk so much shit… Q VIVA PUERTO RICO Y SOY BORICUA PU~ETA PA Q TU LO SEPA… ORGULLO BORICUA!!!!!!

    • The Editor
      January 1, 2013 at 8:47 pm #

      You really didn’t help us a lot with that comment. Classy.

  4. C. Torres
    January 4, 2013 at 12:38 am #

    I’m sorry, but there’s humor, and then there is just plain insulting, vicious generalization. I mean, yeah talk about guys in jest, but to call en entire island forsaken?

    • The Editor
      January 5, 2013 at 10:17 pm #

      We have made it clear in multiple disclaimers that this is NOT meant to be taken seriously. It’s sarcasm and satire. It’s an exaggeration of the truth with quite evident hyperbolic connotations.

      Somos de Puerto Rico también — hacemos cosas como esta para reír en vez de llorar, debido a la desafortunada situación actual en la que se encuentra el país.

      De cualquier manera, respeto tu opinión y, particularmente, el hecho de que puedes ofrecerla sin recurrir a insultos o con ataques ad hominem.

      • J
        February 6, 2016 at 7:49 am #

        It doesn’t matter, say it a million times if you want… It’s not a satire, it’s stupid.

      • TVD
        May 10, 2016 at 6:06 pm #

        I understand this is not meant to be taken seriously, but here’s the problem with that kind of “humor.” Today’s date is May 10, 2016. I stumbled upon your article four years after it was published, because everything you post online is forever. We, Puerto Ricans, might recognize the “joke.” Others won’t. In fact, they’ll believe all you wrote is true, and that’s sad, because you, in your quest to entertain yourself, have given our guys a very bad image and name.


        • papisuyo
          June 28, 2016 at 1:50 pm #

          I agree! This type of humor is insulting. Just because you put a disclaimer does not mean you can say whatever you want. Not all humor is appropriate. At best this type of humor is “tacky”. People that want to learn about Puerto Rico and the men of would definitely get the wrong idea. By the way, not all American men are as good as you made them sound. I know because I’ve lived here a long time.

    • Jdiamondz
      January 28, 2013 at 8:51 pm #

      1st my peoples r all different, 2nd yea i kno pr men do plenty of drugs, not all, 3. Every country have azzholes, sooooo yeaaaaaaa white men 2 me is no no, fey b inventing new drugz, lmaooo n so every 1 has tbeir opinions, but cast da 1st stone, if ur perfect hmmmm

  5. j flow
    January 20, 2013 at 7:13 am #

    WTF is this shit?. Am from Puerto Rico I

  6. j flow
    January 20, 2013 at 7:19 am #

    WTF is this shit?. Am from Puerto Rico I am clean as fuck ,u don’t know What u ware fuckin in Puerto Rico maybe a hobo or a dog…why u talkin shit and posting it on The internet? YOU DON’T

    • The Editor
      January 20, 2013 at 8:08 pm #

      Do you honestly think that with a comment such as then one you just made, you helped us guys from PR prove that what she just said in the article is wrong?

      Somos de Puerto Rico, hermano. Esto es sátira. Es para reírse un rato.


      • Luz Calendar
        January 24, 2013 at 10:08 am #

        If you are from Puerto rico as you said… you are not doing a favor to Puerto Rico insulting the Island and its people… I feel you are just a hater hidden under any name… Frankly… shut your mouth before a puertorican find you…

    • amen!!! italian woman like me love puerto rican men....
      May 6, 2016 at 10:27 am #

      my facebook is Antonia Tinille Annoreno…. jajaja

  7. Soy Boricua
    March 17, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

    Where should I Start ? As a lifelong NYRican Man now living in PR 1yr I’ve definitely seen my share of sorry ass excuses for “Men” here. Not all but most, from all age groups. Men with little ambition4hardwork n lots4partying,drinking n drugging. Single or married grown men with or w/o kids still living at home with Mom n maybe Papi. Multiple Babies Mama’s n major pension(Child support)drama. Its such a problem that if the Father doesn’t pay child support the courts make his parents pay. Mind u, most of the time they lie n cheat 2Baby mama’s about income 2pay peanuts4support of their children (letting the Gov’t foot the bill) meanwhile partying like a Reggaetonero. As 4 “their women”? Look at the incredibly high incident rate of Domestic Violence (mostly Brutally severe and fatal), reported n unreported. Most of the Women and girls here suffer some form of PTSD from the way that some “PR men”(Insecure, jealous, demanding, controlling,lying,infidelity issues,disrespectful)mistreat them and just a total disregard for how a Beautiful PR woman needs and should be treated. Double standards and Great Grandfathers mentality towards todays Woman passed down from fathers to sons perpetuates a vicious cycle against their daughters, sisters, cousins.
    Enough said !
    I’am Proud to be a PR Man, I Love my PR Brothers who handle their business like Men do and I Love my PR Women !
    We just need to wake up !
    As we say here En La Isla Del Encanto,
    “Cono Despierta Boricua !”

    Puerto Rico and it’s People are ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL !
    Especialmente cuando hablamos nuestro idioma !
    Que Viva Puerto Rico !

    • Kat
      May 22, 2013 at 9:02 pm #

      I thank you for sharing your opinion! I respect you even more for talking on behalf of the good people that live on the island… I’ve been here for almost 25 years!!!

  8. Joey rotativo
    April 7, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

    From What I Understood Was, If I Make A Joke About, White People smell Like Wet Dog, If They get Trap In a Rain Storm, And Then Say; IM Just Kidding! no-mother fucker, I ment that shit(its called kee it real!

  9. macanema
    April 21, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    Recognizing that it’s satire, I think maybe you went too far. After all, Puerto Ricans have been downtrodden for centuries, and especially since the US takeover in ca 1900, so there’s been a disruption of culture there, even agrarian folk culture. Yes, it does seem like the brothers above discredit their own arguments by their use of debased language and obscene assertions about your motives, but they feel insulted. And the comparison to vegan hipsters is priceless. American, North American men are materialistic, smug, quietly and stealthily aggressive. Puerto Rican men may sometimes be crude, but I’ve known Boricuas who are sensitive, brilliant, funny, and talented and ambitious too. Many. So you should at least partially apologize, especially about the lack of cleanliness, I think.

  10. Puchulo
    May 16, 2013 at 10:56 pm #

    I can’t believe I read this bullshit. Seriously you say your boricua and do it for laughs and satire but your only giving us a worser reputation. You got millions of americans that fear us already when they see us walking towards them and you have to dig a deeper hole for us to climb out of and prove that we are decent loving happy people. It’s boricuas like you that give us a bad rep.

  11. Infuriated
    June 6, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    This is complete fucking bullshit to be honest. Why the hell are you trying to make Puertoricans look like the shittiest people on fucking Earth. If anything, it’s fucking americans that are shit. I lived in Puerto Rico for ten years and I’m fucking Puertorican, and all that time that I lived over there, I would once in a blue moon see all this fucking shit you are talking about.

  12. Shana
    June 10, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    I’m neither PR or American. Am Jamaican-British. I’m thinking of booking a holiday in PR.
    I was doing some research and came across this article and i thought this author couldn’t be serious. lol never the less its insulting and its a rubbish article.

    And am still going on holiday!!!!!!!

  13. Carrie
    June 12, 2013 at 8:51 am #

    This is my opinion i like Americans and puertoricans the same … I started liking puertoricans because of my x-boyfriend but really I’ve always liked them 😀

  14. Linda may
    July 28, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

    I am a white woman and I live in the USA.I am married too a full blooded…hot blooded….sexy ass Puerto Rican Man.His family lives in Puerto Rico and we see them twice a year on holidays.They are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.People could learn a lot from them.

  15. ROBERT
    September 10, 2013 at 8:51 pm #


  16. Big D
    October 2, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    There is no way to make one another happy…The only thing we can do is find ways to accept one another’s experiences and opinions…This is in itself proving to be difficult because humans are competitive, egotistical, and refuse to adjust to any major change in the process of life! I am learning myself to understand more that we are so much alike that it is kind of scary…I only can hope that each one of us can find this same understanding and then make the key effort to teach it to our children! We are what we are taught, and that is a FACT!

  17. Eddie
    October 30, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

    Well i am also from the u.s.a and was born in puerto rico in 1958 and i have seen much terrible behavior on the part of americans (white’s and boriqua’s)But the fact that you explain some truth about certain persons or your own observations of them , It realy exposes some real big flaws of your own. First of all you may have clean nails but you have a very dirty use of language and you belittle yourself by how you speak.The way you boast about your knowledge of mens dirty clothing,nails ect suggest’s that you don’t respect yourself , one could say (with all the repsect that a human being deserve’s)that you are basically a hore.You see my dear friend it’s probably not your fault that you are treating yourself this way because it’s the way you’ve learned to live , I hope this helps you to reflect on you first.PS i did’nt forget that you had said that you were just being humorous.

  18. Potato
    February 27, 2014 at 4:54 pm #

    This is the most disgustingly false article I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading. My entire family (obviously myself included) is from Puerto Rico. My boyfriend as well. I don’t mean from the states, I mean from the island. Which by the way, Puerto Ricans are American. Even the men in the casarillos (the hood) are outstandingly put together. They have nice haircuts, clean clothes, clean appearance, and are over the top hygienic. I’m not sure where in Puerto Rico you were hanging out, but this whole article is ass backwards, uneducated, and ignorant. There is trash everywhere from every ethnic background.

  19. jlove
    May 17, 2014 at 2:07 pm #

    Umm first off my fiancee is 100% puerto rican n he dnt hve a long finger nail he wrks hard n he takes care of him self… puerto ricans tke damn good care of their woman n family b4 u post shit abt a place u might wanna get ur facts straight id choose a puerto rican ovr my own n im white everyone does drugs at some point in their life bet u hve too u got good n bad every whr puerto ricans r great lovers dancers talkers kissers loyal respectful carin n everytjing a woman looks for in a man so stfu n tlk abt americans n shit tell how bad we r we do drives n kill kids we have ppl beatin n rapin kids we have mothers lettin their bfs do shit with their kids ok so tell u show me the worse of puerto ricans stfu cuz u dnt hve a clue as to wht ur tlkn abt n get the stick outta ur ass ur hatin cuz u could get a puerto rican dick

  20. Taina001
    July 27, 2014 at 4:14 am #

    Girl, you have it all wrong!!! Your experience must be limited to broke hobo-looking mfs. I think your problem is who you attract in general. It is not only unfair, but inaccurate to generalize your bs assessment of the bums you attract onto the men living on our beautiful island. Most do not have that crusty long nail. Most are also clean and we’ll-dressed. It is also a gennerally accepted fact that the men pay on dates. They are usually protective of their women. Chic, you need to slow your roll with your bs. You are not being funny or satirical. You are just hating the fact that only the 1% group of hobo bums find you attractive.

  21. Fredey_18
    July 31, 2014 at 1:17 am #

    You can clearly learn more of us by reading the comments than by reading the article. Seriously.

  22. santascortes
    October 23, 2014 at 10:20 am #

    I am a good person look for good men we can be to togthe in the goodallthe timeevery good.

  23. Boricuapaqsepas
    October 25, 2014 at 12:02 am #

    This is very disrespectful puerto rico is a wonderful island full of fun loving people and great food and beaches. Ive been living my whole life in puerto rico and its been a blessing from god living in such a paradise island that is puerto rico home of the brave and noble people.

  24. Boricuabombero
    October 28, 2014 at 12:59 am #

    To the editor,

    You’re a complete idiot. To try and excuse this ridiculous article as satire and comedic then say “somos hermanos” is complete bullshit!

    Nothing could be further from the truth in this racist and bigoted rant.

    What the hell were you thinking? Lol your level of education shows. Not too bright.

    I’m an educated boricua who spent many days at ground zero pulling out dead bodies from the pile. You have no clue what you’re talking about nor the stupidity that an article like this perpetuates.

  25. kcan
    January 12, 2015 at 10:01 pm #

    I think she went or stayed in the “wrong” place when she was in puerto rico. I am dating a pure puerto rican guy right now and i can tell you, for those days i was with him(in bed, or at work) he has been clean, neat and organized. I guess you just have to learn not to generalize men from that place or from any place and doing comparison be it for humor or for popularity sake, it’s always best to keep it fair. Pros and Cons for both parties. Are you really a writer? Because it’s taught in school how an article should be like, plus you have to make sure how facts can be determined from “opinions” so if this is just an opinion based article, well many did not appreciate you sharing it. My puerto rican guy has been the sweetest, treated me like a princess, very responsible and knows his priorities, plus he’s fckn good and awesome when it comes to love making. So if you have other datas, or proofs to show how these “men” in puerto rico are, then make sure not to stereotype. Kcan

  26. JC
    March 1, 2015 at 10:46 pm #

    I’m surprised as a man, let alone a Puerto rican man, that a company would allow a writer to express such personal anger towards a single group. Call it what you will, Satire or comedy it is highly offensive! What on earth would poses you to write such a racial, one sided, article based on the bad experience of one so called writer?
    If you are truly Puerto Rican you should be ashamed of yourself. As Puerto Ricans are American!! We have fought in every war since WWII. We are the only group within all latin countries that had and have “MEN” drafted/enlisted to fight in the Vietnam war directly from the island. My Grandfather, father, uncles, and brother have served in the U.S. Army, Navy, Airforce and as for me? A Puerto Rican- United States Marine! It’s sad that my family and many Puerto Rican patriots on the island and within the United States have fought for the freedom that allows you to speak so harshly of your own people.MANY Good PUERTO RICAN MEN DIED proudly serving the UNITED STATES of AMERICA FOR YOUR FREEDOM…and this is how you honor them? You used this forum to bad mouth your experience with a bad guy and instead of just saying I’m sorry, you called it a Satire. That’s no different than me shooting the enemy in the face and calling it a comedy routine. It’s Americans like you that hurt what America which includes the common wealth of Puerto Rico stand for.
    You have offended my flag (both of them), my faith and my family, all of which say pray for you and hope in another life I get to defend my country against a comedian/satirist – Respete los Boriqua!

  27. Mark
    May 16, 2015 at 2:53 pm #

    Actually I’m black since I don’t care about neither side. I just gotta say something

    White People Are Fucking Disgusting

    And all the white girls I know prefer Puerto Ricans

    Why this guy is a lie my Puerto Ricans are always trimmed and fresh good haircuts good close more fun always using good colonel better in basketball and baseball and they ain’t cold with the girls.

    White guys are always smelling like fish breath like dead frog and they fucking neither they don’t know how to dance.
    Big ass eyebrows and don’t know how to have fun I think u are just racist as fuck

  28. Atalaya
    May 25, 2015 at 5:22 pm #

    Saludos a todos. Greetings, I happened to bump into this article and by me being Puertorican it some what bothered me but at the same time I see some truth to it. Born and raised and let me say that alot of my people give us hard working and decent puertoriqueños a real bad rep. Those who have principles and respect and honor our “Isla” by following tradition and lending a helping hand. Those who are humble and respect each other as brothers and sisters and know that we are unique in our own way because we have zero tolerance for putdowns and refuse to be pointed out as a bad race when in all actuality our caracteristics are the ones that distinguish us and makes us stand out no matter how small is nuestra ” Isla del encanto!” Its true that there are those who live a sloppy lifestyle but ask yourself, What race doesn’t have a sloppy side? I guess you just went and picked out one of the ones that could help you out with this article because if you had taken your time like a lady would you would had found one of the decent ones and there wouldnt even been an article. Not mad, just saying.

  29. carlos
    June 1, 2015 at 2:48 am #

    Hmmm someone is really butt hurt im 100% boriqueño nd i for sure take care of myself and all of my puerto rican family and friends dress with style and class so just because your butthole is soar because you probably got with a dead beat or if your a man you probably got played and your bitch left with a true taino but its cool we are very prideful and it dont bother me because i can guarrantee me and my family are way better off then you in reality your aggresively blind and aggresively ignorant but you know what they say ignorance is bliss you truly are a troll

  30. Kafher
    June 24, 2015 at 9:55 pm #

    Whoever wrote this doesn’t know shit about Puertoricans. Is obviously a Puertorican hater in all ways. First of all fucking gringos are so gross and most of them dont even like to take a shower. Mostly are nasty and dirty people and they like to chew alot of tobacco and dont even brush their teeths, and thats bullshits also because they dont trim their god damn nails you lier, but well apparently you bitch thats what you like because you’re a nasty piece of shit like they are. Watch news about ghetto hoods in the states or other place within the states and compare between gringos and Puertoricans guys and let see which ones have more hygiene. And next time if you dont know about something the best thing you can do is to shut your fucking mouth.

  31. Diana
    July 5, 2015 at 6:49 pm #

    The way a puerto rican man was described here is despicable. My parents are both Puerto Rican and I was raised with my male cousins and uncle and I NEVER saw such disgrace as described above. It’s not the race because if we want to talk I’ve seen many Americans living here dressed and smelling like shit. So it’s not the race it’s the way you were brought up…if you were raised in a dirty house chances of you being dirty are very high. So whomever wrote this do more investigating before you post anything, you are probably a bitter American that could catch a Puerto Rican Man.

  32. Carlos
    August 12, 2015 at 10:04 am #

    I’m a Puerto Rican man, speak fluent Spanish but have lived in the states most of my adult life. Nevertheless I still visit on occasion.

    From a very Americanized viewpoint yes I will agree that it seems like most Puerto Rican men are lacking in some aspects (Having numerous baby mamas, low paying jobs, riced up cars, etc). You also have to be aware that, while its a beautiful island, Puerto Rico is in huge dissaray, but most of the stuff you see there is 10 times worse in many inner cities stateside. I’d rather be living there than, say Detroit. My point is, don’t go into the hood expecting a 3 course meal and complain when all you see is cheeseburgers.

    Still, with all of it’s drawbacks you gotta keep it real to some extent. I mean cmon homegirl…. Puerto Rican guys have the freshest hair cuts I’ve ever seen and they all dress to impress. You’re telling me you could pick out some random white dude from the states and be confident he’ll look better than a Puerto Rican? Get real.

    The chivalry among the men is like no other I have seen thugs drop what they’re doing to help old ladies cross the street. Respect is paramount in all Hispanic cultures, especially in PR and if you didn’t even get a slight glimpse of that you must’ve had your eyes closed the whole time. That’s the very first thing I notice when I arrive there EVERY TIME. And not just among men, with EVERY ONE!

    Don’t post an inflammatory article and then tell people to take the stick out of their asses that’s just cowardly. Act (or write ) like an adult. And if you can’t then keep it to yourself!

  33. Sam
    August 15, 2015 at 6:20 pm #

    I find this article very inappropriate. How can you say the entire island is bad? Unless you have dated the entire island. Yes,there may be some men who are not worthy but that is everywhere you go, not just one place. Learn how to describe people appropriate and accurately. DO NOT be biased and judge a whole island incorrectly. Use appropriate language when you are writting. You clearly didnt learn scientific research in school before you wrote this foul article.

  34. Angie
    August 25, 2015 at 11:58 pm #

    Mira mamita you obviously don’t know much about Puerto Rican men because this is the most negative and inappropriate article I have ever read. You need to go back and do some more research because its obvious that the whole argument is biased. Everyone has there own cultural flaws but you’re just making every Puerto Rican guy look bad. All Rican men are not nasty thugs like you described them as. #Disgraceful

  35. Nazirican101
    September 26, 2015 at 12:27 pm #

    I’m half; Puerto Rican and German Pennsylvania Dutch mixed. This does insult, even us mixed breed. I might not have the best of everything, and I’d be an idiot to say I’m perfect; but I keep a well-mannered, and maintained life. If you add insults, I’m sure you’re about to get some back. I’m perfectly loyal to any woman I’m with. I always had nails clipped, I can dance and rock the hell out; hence, I’m a metlhead as well. I have long hair, and many think I’m Native American.

    Ugh! It’s the stereotypes you are so crucial about, and I think you misdirected and without focus; hit more of the actual race instead. If there is a stick in my ass, maybe you should remove yours because it stretched all the way the hell out. And I’m not a problem, I’m the solution speaking out. I have the liberty to do so.

    All-in-all, you just had a really bad conception. None of it was hilarious, but in your opinion; you might think it is. How cheeky of you. We are not just good in how we speak, or how we dance; we have much culture behind us. I believe we were made equal, and equality will always be a big thing. PR is in the US, and will remain that way. We all fought for what we believe in.

  36. Scott
    January 9, 2016 at 11:18 pm #

    I think we have only one question to ask. Could Puerto Rican families survive without government coupons. The answer is no. Take responsibility for your children and do not make any if you can’t support them. Learn to place value in an education. Do that and Puerto Rico will shine like a diamond.

  37. J
    February 6, 2016 at 7:38 am #

    First, they don’t wear ghetto hip hop clothes in pr like they do in the “tri-state area”…… The Puerto rican day parade has NOTHING to do with the island….if you had sex with enough guys to know the difference between pr lovers and other races, there’s no point in Hearing about ur dating point of view, the view is always looking at the ceiling. You’ll see surfing and motocross brands like quicksilver and fox. They are very clean cut. When they make families, they stick with it and take care.i have no idea what slums you’ve been hanging out in, but what you find there doesn’t reflect most of the island.if you are seeing guys with one long nail, it’s for cocaine sniffing stupid, that’s why you get all kinds of random answers dumbass….so there you go that shows exactly the kind of company you keep. People from the island tend to be very strong family oriented and are kind and hard working. I’m sorry you didn’t experience anyone with class, but you’ll find that anywhere you go. This is a sad and sorry blog, I hope you are fortunate enough to broaden your horizons one day, your view is narrow and mind is small. Good luck with that….. And I’m Sicilian and you are racist. Stay off the island, you’re not helping it at all. Smh

  38. J
    February 6, 2016 at 7:44 am #

    And by the way, I’m married to a Puerto Rican for ten years this month, he nor I had kids prior and we have two now. And every one of his relatives have only two kids each and a couple that have 3. Wake the fuck up… I didn’t read the entire article and I won’t be. You suck. Probably literally and figuratively. The thing about Puerto Rican men, they know a respectable woman when they see one, if you haven’t find any that want to settle down, you need to reevaluate your lifestyle.

  39. Iris
    April 16, 2016 at 8:33 pm #

    Girl, you’d be dating “la mugre”. I just wonder, what kind of men are you attracted to? Because let me tell you, most PRican women don’t even like the men that you are describing. First sign of a “cafre” is that he listens to reggaeton. If you’re okay with seeing the man you like humping the life out of another girl, you’re the one in fault. Of course he’s going to be a low class dush.
    And that’s in every country mija. So don’t be talking just about PRicans because black american and white american can be pretty nasty as well. With their ‘swag’ flirting with all women and sarcasm making you feel like you worthless.
    If you got no luck in PR then go back to your gringos. Though I wonder, if them gringos are so “good” why aren’t you already married to one? Oh, that’s right, they don’t want to get married.
    If you are looking for a decent men, go find in Sunday morning at church. He’ll be all well dressed and most probably have a great sense of chivarly.

  40. Jorge, alias "George"
    May 8, 2016 at 6:16 pm #

    Madonna, although I empathize with a lot of your satyrical critique about our culture and Puerto Rican men, I’m at sea as to which stereotypical notion blossoms in your mind’s eye concerning men like me. I was raised in a very traditional Puerto Rican household, yet I worked for most of my life at my childhood dream job as a design draftsman, married at 27 and put three daughters through school and college, moved to the U.S. to give my family and myself a better life, bought a 2000 SF split-level with an in-ground pool in an older semi-rural neighborhood so that my family could feel safe and entertain friends, bought an older classic Mercedes in lieu of a hot rod so that I could drive my grandsons around in it and share my love of classic cars with them, prefer cardigans and cotton slacks to caco-wear, prefer smooth jazz or mambo-king salsa at a reasonable volume and absolutely loath reggaeton, prefer to invest rather than indulge yet I consider myself inextricably Puerto Rican no matter where I live. Again, where would men like me fit in your sharply-defined worldview????

  41. Nina aguila
    May 10, 2016 at 12:02 pm #

    My husband is Puerto Rican raised in New York. We met in Cali and I’ve never met such a caring, loving, family oriented, and respectful man ever in my life. He treats me like a queen and his everything before and after we got married. Now we have one beautiful Filipino-Puerto Rican daughter and is just the greatest loving father to her and husband to me. Meeting his other family relatives they’re all quote like him too. So I most definitely don’t think most Puerto Rican men are how you portray them to be. I do agree they’re absolutely magical in bed 😍😍

  42. Jenna91
    July 23, 2016 at 1:18 pm #

    Thank you for the comment Nina. I stumbled on this website out of curiosity as I just start dating this PR guy. Who is by the way in the military for 12 years. He’s such an amazing guy and I think I really like him a lot or else I won’t be googling about his culture. Lol!

  43. Bill
    September 27, 2016 at 10:31 am #

    I have had a horrible experience with a Puerto Rican partner. I agree with the goodness he possessed, but also have been treated horribly by him. He is bisexual, wanted his cake, and wanted to eat it, too.

    I have been up front with him since day one, and he just wanted to have sex with whomever he wanted. Not fair, and his family did not support his lifestyle. Sad. He cost me a lot of money, and never wanted to pay for anything. I think over almost two years, he bought a Subway sandwich and a burger. I was used completely. I was willing to help raise his three kids – only to have them taken away by him.

  44. David
    October 12, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

    You really wrong how many people you dated to get to that conclusion what kind of guys you were around because I was raised in the island until I was 21 and if you dated guys with jobs and there **** together I guarantee you we clean cut everything cut and shave no 5 kids with 12 babymamas like you said maybe 1 and we gentleman pay for everything when we go on a date and btw a lot of the bad things you mentioned about puerto ricans you see it on irish,Italians and Afro-American one thing I’ll agree with you the cars OMG we love our cars I think I should make a comparison between nyc, long Island girls with boricua females. PS next time you visit PR go to Rincon mayaguez y Cabo Rojo you don’t get the PR experience staying in San Juan area

  45. Jorge
    November 7, 2016 at 12:31 am #

    The article was good. But I still think you need to date other puerto ricans as well so you can see that every guy in Puerto Rico it’s different. I understand this article it’s based on your past experiences but maybe you can do more research about it with other puerto rican women, or date more puerto rican guys in the good side of Puerto Rico; not the “ghetto” side of P.R. And I promise you Puerto Ricans will be your #1 pick… Thank you for your article, it was quite a bit interesting. Anyways Mahalo for Hawaii!

    • JD
      November 16, 2016 at 5:03 pm #

      Ok im not gonna deny whats writing here. I was born and raised in PR and now im in San Diego, CA. Yes a lot of “men” are just pieces of shit with how they are and treat women. But not every men from the island is the same. There is some that are called old school because we act the old ways and there are not many cause men raised like that are made fun of cause just because we don’t do the reggaeton shit and treat women like some sex toy. From experience I was made fun of just because I used to write poems to girls and buying flowers and shit. That’s probably why there aren’t enough guys like that. Now im married and trust me I will give me life and soul for the women I have in my life. There is a lot of men like that true, but not every guy you see in PR is the same.

  46. Joyce
    December 7, 2016 at 2:59 pm #

    I’m a Puerto Rican chick and I would never be with another ‘Rican ever again! I hate them so much!!!!!!

    They all friend zoned me or delegated me to just FWB status. Once I moved to the mainland, I had a plethora of grigos wanting to be with me for reals. Six years ago I found a nerdy country guy from Texas (gringo) and I’ve never been happier.

    Puerto Rican men can go fuck themselves!!!!!

  47. I call everyone papi
    December 10, 2016 at 6:57 pm #

    Yo Joyce what’s good I’ll treat you right. I’m not a gringo but I am for reals. We can listen to country or whatever is your choosing. There is no friend zone only the end zone.

    Also, this thing has automatic spell check. If you misspelled anything you clearly had to go out of your way. Great way to fight stereotypes guise.

  48. Verdad
    January 10, 2017 at 2:58 am #

    What she says is true. My aunt told me long long ago – Latinos are good lovers Period. Took me years to realize the full meaning of that. Dont expect more out of them than that … Its just not there. Their lights appear on BUT trust me know ones home. Inside its just a void…

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