Puerto Rico Exodus Story: Lamento Borincano (Puerto Rican Lament…)

Unfortunately, we just recently lost The Bachster to the massive Puerto Rico Exodus wave of the best and brightest young professionals leaving Hell-Hole Island to go get a better job and overall higher quality of life in the United States mainland. A week after leaving, The Bachster gives us one of the most genuine, honest, heartfelt, and important articles on the current state of affairs in Puerto Rico. This is a good one, people. You’d do yourself a disservice if you don’t read it in its entirety – particularly if you’re Puerto Rican.

Puerto Rico Exodus Story: Lamento Borincano (Puerto Rican Lament…) — by The Bachster

Puerto Rico, my godforsaken colony of a home country, has been going through a terrible social crisis in the last decade or so. Rampant crime, a stagnant economy, and ever-declining social and cultural mannerisms have turned Puerto Rico, sadly, into a horrible destination for living.

My colony has been losing 50,000 or so people a year – in what is now unofficially known as the Puerto Rico Exodus – and what makes it different from other mass migrations of the past, is that this time, mostly the young, educated and professional are leaving.

So who is left to build a colony in shambles? Who will carry the load for trying to raise Puerto Rico from the ashes?

Is it our political elites?

The ones who have to talk to puppets to get their message across?

Is it the pro-colony candidate who can’t string a sentence together?

Or is it our awesome cultural role models knee deep in drug money?

Or perhaps it’s the parasitic majority that is catered to by the politicians, serve as a haven to the drug trade, cause mayhem in the streets and are generally unfriendly to you while taking your order at McDonalds (if they have a job, and that’s a big if)?

Puerto Rico Funny Caserio

And they have awesome water parks paid by drug money, to boot!

Nope, none of these build countries. You know who does? Me, and people like me, who have tried to do things by the book, have studied or worked all of their life, have generally avoided trouble with the law and, most importantly, have basically carried out our responsibilities.

Young, educated and hard-working people build countries. And most of us in Puerto Rico are leaving… Where?

Funny American Guy Dancing

To the land of the pasty, and the home of the lame, that’s where.

I certainly have no intentions of having blue eyes and blond hair. I’m proud of who I am and where I come from (mostly because of my family and parents). But I need to be somewhere where my job is remunerated on par with the effort it was to get my degree.

For the sake of my mental health, I need to be somewhere where there are no shootings in major highways during high-traffic hours.

For God sakes, I need peace and quiet. And I expect respect for public property.

Puerto Rico Beaches Pollution Contaminated

Beach after a national Puertorican holiday. Fuckin’ pigs.

Living in Puerto Rico, I believe, was shortening my life. The stress of my surroundings got the best of me. And, because I do care, there was no way of me avoiding this. For the sake of mine and my future family’s life, I became a statistic.

About two weeks ago, I emigrated to Smallville, USA. I will receive a generous salary plus bonus. People are oddly cordial, strangely efficient at their jobs, and generally follow the goddamn traffic laws.

I am aware that this is no Panacea and that all places have their faults, and I’ve heard terrible things about the winter snow. But, shortly after I moved, another all-too-common Puerto Rican tragedy happened, that all but confirmed my hard decision to move.

Stefano Steenbakkers Puerto Rico Carjacking Sad Crime

Stefano Steenbakkers was just 17 years old. A good-looking, smart kid with his whole life ahead of him, he got murdered by two carjackers who, and I’m sadly not kidding, decided that “today is a good day for a carjacking”, saw Stefano driving his car, pulled up in front of him, got out and shot him. This wasn’t before he called his mom and, painfully aware that he was being followed for a possible carjacking, told her the car’s license plate.

Stefano agonized for four days in the hospital before he died, and his family bravely donated his organs.

Stefano’s death was a painful confirmation that I had made the right choice. That above all, I’d rather leave and take my talents to Paleville than to become another number; another statistic in Puerto Rico’s crime wave.

When I read the horrible news, I immediately hoped that his family, somehow, someway, found peace, and my thought’s later turned to all of my loved ones (all three of ‘em!) still left in Puerto Rico. I hope Darwin protects them from all of the shit around ‘em.

Life’s about probabilities and I decided to give myself a good chance at living, at succeeding, and at having a good quality of life. Is anything in this universe certain? Other than the speed of light, absolutely not.

But the best I can do is better my odds. That’s really all that one can control.

But I’d rather fold a bad hand and wait for a good one rather than go all in trying to make something out of nothing.

Texas Hold Em 2 7 Off Suit Hand The Hammer


I folded, and decided to get me a good hand… Wish me luck.


Sappy Editor’s Note: The Bachster is the dearest of friends, to me personally, and to all the rest of contributors and columnists of this site. He’s also one of the best, brightest, and most privileged minds that I’ve ever had the opportunity of interacting with.

It really is a shame, for Puerto Rico, that the Bachster has left; but it is, unequivocally, the best decision, both personally and professionally, for him and his girl.

He’s now an invaluable asset to another community/country, not unlike the many other Puerto Ricans who’ve left before him; or those who, like Mickey Jax, quickly realized what was going on and didn’t even bother to come back.

Anyways, we just want to wish the very best to The Bachster and his better-half, in this new phase of life and in their future endeavors… Darwinspeed.

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7 Responses to “Puerto Rico Exodus Story: Lamento Borincano (Puerto Rican Lament…)”

  1. axlrose
    July 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm #

    you sound a little insecure of not being blue eye blond hair? dont ever forget the education you received in puerto rico is because of the usa. without that territory status youd be just like haiti.

    im gald youre moving to the states. i feel you will make my country better with your talents. i wish more puerto ricans would come. i think some of the most educated people are from puerto rico.

    • The Bachster
      July 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm #

      Hmm, in order for the Bachster to be insecure, his ego could not possibly be as healthy as it is. Hence, my awesome brown hair and angel-like brown-with-a-hint-of-green-when-they-catch-the-sunrise- eyes suffice.

      Like Haiti? Maybe. Probably like Dominican Republic or Jamaica. Not that these aren’t horrible places, but Haiti is pretty much the bottom of the barrel.

      In terms of me taking my talents, a-la Lebron, to our country (my passport says so), I do hope to make it, or my general sorroundings better. And lately most ‘ricans that are coming to the US are highly educated, so your wish is coming true. Just be careful, cause if the flood gates open, 3 million uneducated monolingual Puertoricans are coming for your Welfare and Medicare/Medicaid, and …theres nothing…. anybody…. can do about it…. :-0

  2. Tomas
    October 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    Good article. I am also part of exodus of educated professionals who left the island. In january 2012, I was in the unemployment line waiting to file for a miserable check, despite having two master degrees. When I finaly got a job in my field, I could not even afford to feed my kids, except for the dolar meals at wendys. Then, an organization in arizona offered me job with salary 3 times I made in th isl and. They ofered to pay my moving and relocation expenses with nice bonus check just to see there. I got in plane faster than lebron can dunk. I could not continue to live in an island where a degree is worth as much as the food sold in burger king, which is the place some master degree people can find work as managers. I am happy now, my degrees hang in my office and not in my room. I wish you the best…

  3. NGT
    November 23, 2012 at 9:49 pm #

    Hey Bachster¡!

    My blessings and best wishes for you!!!

    Mixed feelings surrounded me when I was told about your decision.

    It’s sad that professionals and awesome people like are leaving!

    In a few years PR will become unrecoverable :-(….

    Well, Good luck and Hugs from PR!!!

    • NGT
      November 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm #

      People like you

      • Patricita
        April 17, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

        Although I cannot understand the not-so-subtle racism directed against people of a lighter skin than yours, with such references as paleville, pasty, etc, I do wish you the BEST in your new community. And hopefully the residents there don’t judge you and yours by the color of your skin. Best wishes.

  4. tom
    February 9, 2014 at 3:46 pm #

    What’s with the g..ddamned racism and hostility, man? I am an immigrant from Europe who has called the USA home since 1969, and I would never dream of making the hateful blanket statements that punctuate your sociopolitical tirade. “Land of the pasty, home of the lame?” In 45 years of life here, I’ve found my new compatriots to be energetic, friendly, smart and fun to be with.

    True, the USA have their problems an always will, but the mud you throw in your missive makes you look delusional and silly. Keep your eyes and mind open, and you’ll find more talent and determination among the people in your adopted new home than you may have been conditioned to expect in the place of your origin.

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