Editor’s Note: Mz.N is adding some awesome insult to injury here. I’m so proud of her… I’m tearing up Boehner-style.
Weiner Scandal Part II: Puerto Rico Gay Politician Edition — The Mz.N Perspective
One of our other columnists, previously wrote about the most popular source of breaking news in Puerto Rico: A puppet doll, known for her gossiping yet truthful ways. She’s sort of our Page Six, but more colorful.
A couple of days ago, she revealed some picture a Puerto Rican politician sexted to someone else. The picture was hot: a 40-something year-old man, with decent amount of chest hair, in decent shape, with one hand on his iPhone, and another one on his political tool.
After looking at the photos I was tempted to move to San Juan,so I could vote for him on 2012. My happiness didn’t last long.
Apparently this politician didn’t get the memo after the Weiner Scandal. You think Weiner had poor judgment? Check out the OTHER picture this politician sexted.
It is obvious the picture was not intended for a woman, unless that woman enjoys the sight of a hairy butt with a hint of balls.
Imagine my dissapointment after seeing this picture. I am now hopeless, and sad. Hot, 40-something year old man, with decent hair chest and in decent shape, divorced and newly single… And obviously gay.
Now, let’s try to understand why a seemingly normal individual, would do something like this. I am by no means a psychologist; I’m just a disappointed lawyer.
Let’s go back to the beginning…
This politician — who allegedly seems to be Senator Roberto Arango[1. Yup, the same Arango who did this.] — used to be the fat kid. Of course, now we know he was the gay-fat-kid. And his blubber did follow him into adulthood.
He went on to fulfill his expected civil duties in life; he married and had a daughter. Fast forward some years, and he is now in the Senate of Puerto Rico, surrounded by hot politicians like Alejandro García Padilla.
He noticed the attention García Padilla was getting for being the pretty-boy of the opposition party. What is a politician to do?
Well, after a lifetime of family members and close friends telling him he had such a nice, handsome face, but he needed to lose weight,he suddenly realized, that’s what he needed to do.
He started dieting and working out in gyms full of sweaty men. Hold and Behold the transformation:
He went from this:
So after losing weight, he divorces from the woman who loved him when he was a blob of fat with three chins and probably couldn’t see his penis. After the divorce, some freaky gay emails surfaced, but he denied the email account.
Now, a couple of months later, a picture of him showing his asshole surfaces. And let’s be real, no man would send a picture like that to a woman unless this woman was going to use a strap-on on him, and that still would hint that he’s gay. What will he do now?
Obviously deny it; then accept it; then ask for forgiveness and swear on his life he is heterosexual, and then of course, leave the Senate… Right now, though? He’s taking the Weiner approach, and saying it might or might not be him; because that strategy worked wonders for Anthony Weiner.
After sharing my disappointment with many, many friends, I received the same answer: “Everybody knows he is gay, this just confirms it”. Well dammit, I’m mourning the death of his heterosexuality, even if I was the only one who believed in it!
For the record, I have nothing against homosexuals. If there wasn’t such a stigma associated with homosexuality, men like him Arango, wouldn’t have to be ashamed to be what they are.
Also, sex is a tricky subject in society. We all have sex, but we do not talk about it when we are public figures, unless it is to talk about abstinence for teenagers. And even then we are not being realistic about it.
If he is gay, so what? If he’s not gay and he just likes to be strap-on fucked by women, so what? He is a single man, who decided to share his penis, balls and asshole with a special someone. That special someone decided to share it with the world. This happened because he probably found out someone was being naughty with other men.
Love, Mz. N…
P.S. To all the special people that have pictures of my naughty parts, please, keep them close to your heart and do not share them, because I also have pictures of your no-no parts, and not unlike Arango’s scandal, I will also share them and you will regret it forever.
Editor’s Preachy Disclaimer: Seriously people, everyone here at CleveredFool.com supports gay rights and believe they should have the same rights us heterosexuals have. Yeah, we might make fun of some gay stuff every once in a while, but it has everything to do with the funny (i.e Arango’s ass pictures), and nothing to do with the gay — We’re an equal-opportunity offender… Besides, in my opinion, much in the same way the problem with being vegetarian lies, not in being a vegetarian in and of itself, but rather in liking broccoli and enjoying the Saturday Night Tofu Buffet Extravaganzas, the only issue with being gay — from my male point-of-view — is not being gay in and of itself, but rather the fact that as a result, it probably means that you like penis, and enjoy having a penis in your behind… And really, nothing wrong with that at all, you should be able to do whatever pleases you in your private sexual life. I mean, I’m sure gay men think that liking vagina and putting their penis inside them is disgusting, and you don’t see them picketing at military funerals with “God Hates Heterosexuals” signs… We’re 100% gay-friendly here at CleveredFool.com, so I just wanted to put that out there “for the record”… And, yeah, you’re welcome for that gay/vegetarian analogy.