Yeah, I know. It’s been a while… Matter of fact, it’s been a long fucking while. But really, what else did you expect, huh? I have to work to make money and pay my student loans and pay for my midget-porn site subscriptions, so something’s gotta give because I have to generate enough revenue to pay for those; so it had to be either the porn and the student loans, or this site… and the decision about that came me fairly easily to me.
Look, the reality is that you deserve no better. It’s been one year since we started on this little procrastination website project, and I’m not a millionaire yet. In fact, I have LOST money, not to mention a disturbing amount of time writing idiocies for you lazy idiots, and you can’t even click enough on my ads to make me break even.
Well, not really… Here’s the thing, and I’m being serious here, this site was officially launched on July 1, 2011. During a weekend where I was miserable, unhappy, and on top of that cursed with an unforgiving flu, I decided to break my procrastination routine to create this procrastination site as a venting mechanism and to feed my unhealthy need for attention — take a look at our first ever post.
Now, I don’t count the first month after launching the site, because I consider it a sort of “experimental” period. So I’d decided a while ago that I was gonna count the “anniversary” CleveredFool.com starting on August 1, 2012.
Here we are now, one year later, and I’m still that miserable, unhappy, pretentious bastard. I have even more questions about the meaning of life, the reason we’re here roaming a rock as shallow carbon units, and still searching for those long-sought answers related to whether God exists and whether Mitt Romney is actually a human being.
Anyways, here we are after tons of trial and errors and unproductivity endeavors; a fucking year later. Man, allow me to cliché this thing right here by saying that time does flies by pretty damn quickly.
For any of you who are curious about the “success” of this site, let me just say that: Mistakes were made. Instructions on how to blog/create a site successfully were not read. Time was wasted. My dad almost disowned me. I lost a decent amount of money all things considered… But if I had to do it all over again, I’d sure as heck do it.
This site won’t make me a millionaire. It probably won’t make me more than $100.00 a month, after expenses, even when it’s in its heyday 25 years from now. But the experience has been fucking awesome.
And not just, “yay, I learned how to do a website”, but just the actual experience. The first couple of months. The insomnia nights refreshing Google Analytics to see if there’d been any new recent visitors. The hours crafting a post that I knew no one else would probably read. The point in which, at that 2-3 month juncture, you idiotically think that you can actually make a living out of this blogging real quick and genuinely think about quitting your job. The first time you install Google AdSense on the site, and wait for that first click that’ll bring you in 0.08 cents. The first time you get a hater’s comment on an article. Having your best friends join you in writing stuff and contributing with the highest quality of articles. The plenty amazing and original articles written by our amazingly awesome contributors. The taxing self-loathing of your very own puny existence while writing a post or article, and thinking about how horrible it is, only to find out it’s the one that people have actually liked the most so far. The feeling you get when you re-read an old post that you wrote and you genuinely laugh at your own jokes and think to yourself, “man, that one was good.” The first time you’re linked on a major site, or an article of yours is linked from another high-traffic and reputable website. That first check from Google. The uncertainty about whether to continue with the site or not… The venting. Man, the venting. The having an opportunity to put a piece of yourself out there in the world – and yes that’s an actual quote from Bill Clinton. (Okay, it is not.).
Anyways, trust me when I tell you that I can keep going and going with stuff like that. Those really are THE moments. The little things. The “little emotions” – and that last one is really an actual quote, and it’s from Heath Ledger’s Joker.
I can’t say what’ll end up becoming of this site. I have no idea. I’ve no plans to close it, or sell it for a poop-flavored lollipop or a blowjob from Lindsay Lohan, or to actually stop writing stuff. Still, I also can’t say how frequently I’ll be writing. I want to. Trust me, I do. But every time I want, or have it planned, to start writing regularly once again, that selfish thing called “Life” gets in the way.
You can only go against the system and the current for so long… So, I’ll keep running on that treadmill. And I’ll also keep saying I will try my hardest to try and keep writing and updating the site frequently. But I can’t say for certain, and it will really depend on “Life”. And, as it has proven beyond any reasonable doubt time and again, “Life” can actually be a fucking pain in the ass and an outrageously disappointing bastard.
And now, for those curious about traffic numbers and the sort, here’s a brief overview of the Google Analytics Stats from August 1, 2011 – July 31, 2012:
Almost 150,000 unique visitors with close to 250,000 pageviews in the first year. That’s not bad… I guess.
But, the actual worth of the efforts undertaken for this site are much better illustrated by my expenses and revenues:
Google AdSense = $154.09 in estimated earnings in the first year…That’s horrible.
Take a look at the official report on that, which has some parts that have to be “blocked” because of the Google AdSense policy; bastards won’t allow you to share that:
And that’s all the revenue. I guess I should try and read some on monetizing strategies other than AdSense.
Now for the fun part…
Okay, in here are some of the ones that I recall, along with some other ones that I paid a lump-sum for, and then mixed with some other ones that I currently keep paying in order to keep the site running:
HostGator Web-Hosting: $9.99 a month… Times 12 months = $120.00. (FYI, HostGator is the best Web-Hosting Company out there. Know that. And I’m not even shooting a referral link here. They just are and deserve the kudos.)
Attracta Subscription: $24.95 a month… Times 8 months = $200.00. (I get the premium subscription of them. Liked it at first, and haven’t cancelled it. I think it does brings some benefits. Though not sure how big those benefits are and if they’re worth the money.)
Alexa Subscription: $9.95 a month… Times 8 months = $200.00. (I just have this Alexa one because I have this unproven theory that it helps your Alexa ranking. I am an idiot.)
WooThemes Subscription: $70.00 one-time payment. (Some of the best premium WordPress Templates on the web.)
ElegantThemes Subscription: $80.00. (Meh…)
CleveredFool.com Domain 10-Year Renewal: $150.00 for 10 years. ( I renewed my domain for the maximum allowed time, just because I heard it’s good for the reputation and authority of your site, because search engine crawlers see that it’s no spam kind of thing, and you’re in it for the long-haul. Sound reasoning. Interesting theory. Also unproven.)
And I just really can’t remember any other ones right now, but there you have those, so go ahead and do that math…
So let’s go ahead and start handing out some awards to honor the first-year anniversary of CleveredFool.com… Enjoy:
CleveredFool.com – First-Year Anniversary Awards
The “You Write About Chuck Norris and He will Reward you with Awesomeness” Award for the Most-Viewed Article:
Well, actually the most viewed page was the Chuck Norris Facts vs. Dos Equis Quotes article. It had 21,720 total unique pageviews in one year. Users spent an average of 2 minutes and 47 seconds on the page.
Those are some solid numbers. And really, the only reason it was the most viewed article is because it actually ranked well of Google search results for the keyword search of “Dos Equis Quotes”. We ranked that article in the Top 10 of Google search results for a good part of the year. At one point we we’re even ranked number 1 for it. Now? Not so much.
The “There’s No Hope for Humanity” Award
Our third ranked post on our first year was the Scarlett Johansson Hacked Pictures one. 10,964 unique pageviews. Gotta love humans.
The “Mr. Burgundy You Have a Massive Erection” Award for the articles that we’re linked on some of the major sites out there on the web.
This award is handed out to a couple of articles, such as:
Post-Debate Interview: Republican Presidential Candidates – This one got linked by the Huffington Post. Okay, it got linked on one of their Twitter social apps as one of the top links about the debate, from a satirical standpoint, but fuck it, I’m counting it anyway!
Demotivational Posters: Rupert Murdoch – This one was one of our first creations and the first actual link from a major website. Well, it wasn’t necessarily a link as it was a mention, but it was quite the mention from the AdWeek site:
Well, if the souvenir hunters don’t want a piece of Rupert, perhaps the rest of corporate America might. Culture blog Cleveredfool.com has produced a stirring series of corporate motivational posters—just print ’em out and hang ’em up!—featuring Murdoch’s smiling face. Among the inspirational sayings: “When in doubt . . . Destroy lives.”
To Torture or Not to Torture? That is the Question… – This was sort of a guest post on Technorati, but they linked back to us. So it must be counted, dammit!
The “Reputation, reputation, reputation! O, I have lost my reputation! I have lost the immortal part of myself, and what remains is bestial.” Award for our Highest Honor in ranking a porn-related article.
This award goes more towards a person than it does an article… And it goes to, of course, none other than Mz. N. for her article about the Top 10 Pornstars of All-Time (Male & Female) which is currently ranked #6 on Google for the keyword search of: “pornstars who have deepthroated lex steele“.
One of the highest honors I’ve ever experienced.
Alright, so that’s all for the moment… Thank you for not reading and not clicking on my ads.
Thanks also to all our contributors for being awesome and sublimely demonstrating the art of procrastination. And thank Darwin for making me such an ode to procrastination.
Take it easy.